Newsgroups: comp.lang.apl
Path: watmath!watserv2.uwaterloo.ca!torn!howland.reston.ans.net!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!emory!news-feed-1.peachnet.edu!umn.edu!csus.edu!sfsuvax1.sfsu.edu!vpcsc4
From: vpcsc4@sfsuvax1.sfsu.edu (Emmett McLean)
Subject: More humor
Message-ID: <1993May27.071438.8567@csus.edu>
Sender: news@csus.edu
Organization: San Francisco State University
Date: Thu, 27 May 1993 07:14:38 GMT
Lines: 74



Compiled by Charles Schulz (April`93-May`93 APLBUG Newsletter)

Latest on viruses
----------------- 

PAUL REVERE VIRUS : This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
It warns you of impending hard disk attack - once if by LAN, twice
if by C.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS : Never calls itself a "virus" but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic micoorganism".

ROSS PEROT VIRUS : Activates every component in your system, just
before the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS : Would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

AT&T VIRUS : Every three minutes it tells you what great service
you are getting.

MCI VIRUS : Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too 
much for the AT&T virus, and then asks you for your friends' phone 
numbers.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS : Terminates and stays resident. It'll
be back.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS : Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS : Divides your hard disk into hundreds of 
little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which
claim to be the most important part of the computer.

TEXAS VIRUS : Strikes your computer from out of the blue _wacko_ and
then won't go without shooting you in the foot.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS : Take a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS : Hard to identify because it is constantly 
altering its appearance.  This virus won't harm your PC, but will trash
your car.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS : The computer locks up, screen splits erratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the 
problem.

FREUDIAN VIRUS : Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
mother board.

PBS VIRUS : Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money and reminds
you of how nice it is that it doesn't give you commercials.

ELVIS VIRUS : Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self
destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across
America.

SEARS VIRUS : Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
supply, and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS : Nobody can find it.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS : Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

STAR TREK VIRUS : Goes where no virus has gone before.

CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS : Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a
286/AT.

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS : Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last
in the reviews, but you still love it.

